i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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