she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
