rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
