Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
