An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
