Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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