as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i think i just lost a toe
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
