on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize