i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the condom got lost in my hair
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize