she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
