We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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