I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize