They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Bring me that man meat
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize