I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
