No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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