grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize