dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
