they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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