sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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