Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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