It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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