you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The ass gains better be worth it
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