Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
