But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
