No more Irish car bombs ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
