you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
