i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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