WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
