kristin has been a bad kristin
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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