You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How does one acquire holy water?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
