Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
