what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
