the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
