Don't make out with my wife yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize