bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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