No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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