therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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