sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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