i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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