I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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