Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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