Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize