Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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