I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
