Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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