if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
