Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
