I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
