I think I am morally bankrupt
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
