oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
