My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
