We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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