I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's always time for handjobs
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
