Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
