hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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