I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
