It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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