You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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