i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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