Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i dont even know how to be here
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
