she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
