ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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