i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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