Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
