420 ftw
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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