So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
