Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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