how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
