Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
