pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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