I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
