I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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