i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
