dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
