I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
COCAINE IS GR8
false alarm, still single
Randomize
