I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
