I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just cropdusted the office
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
