Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
