Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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