you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
