just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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